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The Exception

,

 

Today I wake up, 

Is it going to be me?

Will I be the one on your t.v. screen?

 

Sickness, death or harm,

Is all I think about when you’re in my arms.

The anxiety is crippling,

But it’s better than vulnerability,

It’s got to be. 

 

Laughing, smiles; pure joy,

I wish time would move slow,

This must be the climax,

and now I’m waiting for the blow.

 

Maybe I focus too much on what’s wrong,

Instead of what’s right,

But I know I’m not immune to hardship,

And that keeps me up at night. 

 

I just don’t want to fall into the deception,

That I could never be the exception.

 

The problem is,

This isn’t how I’m called to live, 

I was given life to live to the full, 

I can’t let anxiety and fear rule.

 

The truth is, control is an illusion; I can’t protect you,

 I’ll do my best, and trust that God will see you through.

If you don’t believe that’s true, I really don’t blame you,

And I hope you find a path that leads to peace and truth.

 

Today, I let off the brakes, 

And I’m more willing to embrace,

A life of joy, and of weeping,

In my wake, and in my sleeping.

 

So today,

I can accept wherever this life leads me,

Whether I’m the exception, or keeping on breathing.

<3

 

This poem was the culmination of conversations with family and friends, about the anxieties of life. We shared similar feelings of trying to live life fully against the uncertainty of loved ones or ourselves succumbing to illness, concerns of social re-engagement from the Covid-19 pandemic, and other kinds of hardships. From friends giving birth to their babies during this trying time, stories of people who experienced loss of loved ones, to my husband coming close to being furloughed, anxiety and stress definitely has been running high. I would wake up most mornings with a heavy weight in my chest. After exploring it further, I realized I was worrying if this would be the day that I or a loved one would experience harm or hardship- be the exception. 

For those who battle anxiety and OCD, it can be difficult to find that balance between living like everything is a threat in order to preserve your life, vs. living like nothing’s a threat in order to live your life; we tend to lean more toward the former. However, I came to the realization that living every day in fear of something bad happening, is not how I am called to live. The truth is, no day is guaranteed, and this has always been the case. That being said, I am trying to be grateful for what each day brings, whether positive or negative; however trying to view the negative as an opportunity to practice endurance and growth. This isn’t a blanket statement, and it will not be easy to practice a positive perspective toward all hardships. There are some hardships that are flat out unfair or unjust, leaving us barely keeping our heads above water. But sometimes, all we can do is try. For me, these are the times that I rely heavily on my faith, as well as the support of family and friends. 

 

During this time of quarantine, I have found that Telehealth counseling (i.e. confidential virtual therapy services) has been extremely beneficial. If you or someone you know struggles with any sort of mental health disorder/challenges, especially during this unprecedented time, I would highly recommend this service. Here are some options for Telehealth mental health services:

*These services appear to be secure and HIPAA compliant

 

Additionally, please review these mental health resources for more support:

  • Nationally 
  • Metro-Detroit/ surrounding areas, Michigan 

* During this time of the Covid-19 pandemic, I am unsure what services are provided through these organizations. However, I still encourage individuals who live near these organizations to contact them. 

  •  Online/ App Store: 
    • Headspace, a mindfulness and meditation App
    • Mindfulness Coach App
    • One Minute Pause App
    • Soul time Christian Meditation App
    • Meditation Oasis App bundle- includes Simply Being, Breathe & Relax, iSleep Easy, Walking Meditations, and more in this bundle. Also each of these Apps can be purchased separately. 

 

These and other resources can be found on the Pressed resource page. These resources are just a selection.  I would encourage everyone to do research and look up other mental services and resources, especially community resources closer to where you live. For any Telehealth mental health services, I encourage you to make sure that the service is confidential and HIPAA compliant (legally they all should be, but it is always best to do your due diligence). 

 

As always, keep pressing on,

-Amanda 

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