[Internal] Dialogue I

Are you difficult to love?

I ask this of myself all the time…. I believe my answer is yes.

I heard a preacher once say that you will never know how to love difficult people until you realize that you’re one of them..

The audacity! but clearly I’m up and arms because, well, it’s true. I’m a grade A difficult person.

I often wonder how my family can love me, how my husband can; God, my sweet sweet husband.

Even my own children are better at forgiving than I am, I can surely learn a lot from their example; so innocent, untainted.

My friends? They choose to love me. And yes, sometimes like a martyr I think “uh, they are lucky to have someone as passionate and caring as me in their lives!” 

Other times, I wonder what has kept them around this crazy train for this long…

I guess, can’t it be both?

Honestly, this sentiment is truest of my husband. Times I wonder,

Are you truly this patient, or is this just a defense? Are these things mutually exclusive? I’m not sure.

But I do know that his silence doesn’t hurt less than my LOUDNESS.

 I would claim it hurts more…

But maybe I’m biased. 

“To let someone habitually mistreat you is one of the most unloving things you can do.” – Tim Keller

So who mistreats who?